विचित्र किन्तु सत्य : मस्तिष्क कैमरा है?...

विचित्र किन्तु सत्य : 
विजय कौशल  

क्या आपका मस्तिष्क कैमरा है?... क्या यह चित्र का नेगटिव बना सकता है?? 

कहते है: ''हाथ कंगन को आरसी क्या?... पढ़े-लिखे को फारसी क्या??....''

आइए! आजमाइए!!

निम्न चित्र में मुस्कुराती सुन्दरी की नासिका के लाल बिंदु पर ३ सेकेण्ड तक टकटकी लगाकर देखिए. अब आँख बंद कर अपने पास की दीवार या कमरे की छत जिस पर कोइ डिजाइन न हो को आँखें मिचमिचाकर देखें... कहें क्या सुन्दरी की छवि वहाँ नहीं दिख रही है? इसी तरह आप अपने आराध्य या प्रिय की छवि को नयनों में भरकर देख सकते हैं। अब 'विलम्ब कही कारन कीजै?...' हो जाइए शुरू...

 

Your brain develops the Negative...   How does it work ????

I couldn't believe it, definitely didn't  expect to see  what I saw.  (not a trick or a scare)   probably need a laptop or PC. Follow the instructions.

see the picture in colour on the wall

रोचक चर्चा : A good one.... कौन परिंदा?, कौन परिंदी??... -विजय कौशल, संजीव 'सलिल'

रोचक चर्चा : A good one....
कौन परिंदा?, कौन परिंदी??...
-विजय कौशल, संजीव 'सलिल'
*

For those who do not know how to tell the sex of a bird here is the easy way 

 

 *
कौन परिंदा?, कौन परिंदी? मेरे मन में उठा सवाल.

किससे पूछूं?, कौन बताये? सबने दिया प्रश्न यह टाल..

मदद करी तस्वीर ने मेरी,बिन बूझे हल हुई पहेली.

देख आप भी जान जाइये, कौन सहेला?, कौन सहेली??..

 करी कैमरे ने हल मुश्किल, देता चित्र जवाब.

कौन परिंदा?, कौन परिंदी??, लेवें जान जनाब..
*

अनथक श्रम बिन रुके नसीहत, जो दे वही परिन्दी.
मुँह फेरे सुन रहा अचाहे, अंगरेजी या हिन्दी..
बेबस हुआ परिंदा उसकी पीर नहीं अनजानी,.
'सलिल' ज़माने से घर-घर की यह ही रही कहानी..
 *
HOW TO TELL THE SEX OF A BIRD

This Is AMAZING!!!

Until now I never fully understood how to tell The difference Between Male and Female Birds. I always thought it had to be determined surgically. Until Now..

Below are Two Birds. Study them closely....See If You Can Spot Which of The Two Is The Female.
It can be done. Even by one with limited bird watching skills.!

Send this to all of the men you know, who could do with a good laugh and to all women who have a great sense of humor..

*** 

रोचक चर्चा : A good one.... कौन परिंदा?, कौन परिंदी??... -विजय कौशल, संजीव 'सलिल'

रोचक चर्चा : A good one....
कौन परिंदा?, कौन परिंदी??...
-विजय कौशल, संजीव 'सलिल'
*

For those who do not know how to tell the sex of a bird here is the easy way 

 

 *
कौन परिंदा?, कौन परिंदी? मेरे मन में उठा सवाल.

किससे पूछूं?, कौन बताये? सबने दिया प्रश्न यह टाल..

मदद करी तस्वीर ने मेरी,बिन बूझे हल हुई पहेली.

देख आप भी जान जाइये, कौन सहेला?, कौन सहेली??..

 करी कैमरे ने हल मुश्किल, देता चित्र जवाब.

कौन परिंदा?, कौन परिंदी??, लेवें जान जनाब..
*

HOW TO TELL THE SEX OF A BIRD

This Is AMAZING!!!

Until now I never fully understood how to tell The difference Between Male and Female Birds. I always thought it had to be determined surgically. Until Now..

Below are Two Birds. Study them closely....See If You Can Spot Which of The Two Is The Female.
It can be done. Even by one with limited bird watching skills.!

Send this to all of the men you know, who could do with a good laugh and to all women who have a great sense of humor..............

Pl decide it is who's world : vijay kaushal

Please, decide it is who's world


India now ruled by……..

Amma in South;
Didi in East;
Bhenji in North;
Aunty in the Capital;
Madam in Center;
Nani on top (the president)
&

"Wife At Home"
And yet people say.. It’s a Man's World? …….

*

IF LION goes on-site -- vijay kaushal

  HI all, 

IF LION goes on-site.............read it too good

 

In a poor zoo of India, a lion was frustrated as he was offered not more than 1 kg meat a day.
The lion thought its prayers were answered when one US Zoo Manager visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to the US Zoo.

 The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central A/c environment, a goat or two every day and a US Green Card also. On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed very nicely for breakfast.

The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained few bananas. Then the lion thought that may be they cared too much for him as they were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from India .

  The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food bag of bananas was delivered.
The lion was so furious, it stopped the delivery boy and blasted at him, 'Don't you know I am the lion...king of the Jungle..., what's wrong with your management?, what nonsense is this?, why are you delivering bananas to me?'

The delivery boy politely said, 'Sir, I know you are the king of the jungle but .. did you know that you have been brought here on a monkey's visa!!!

Moral of Story : Better to be a Lion in India than a Monkey elsewhere!!!!!

Two Equations:

vijay kaushal.



Equation 1

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore:
Human = Donkey + Work + enjoy

Therefore:
Human-enjoy = Donkey + Work

In other words,
A Human that doesn't know how to enjoy = Donkey that works.
Equation 2

Man = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkey = eat + sleep
< BR>Therefore:
Man = Donkey + earn money

Therefore:
Man-earn money = Donkey

In other words
Man who doesn't earn money = Donkey

Woman= eat + sleep + spend
Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore:
Woman = Donkey + spend
Woman - spend = Donkey

In other words,
Woman who doesn't spend = Donkey

To Conclude:
From Equation 2 and Equation 3

Man who doesn't earn money = Woman who doesn't spend

So Man earns money not to let woman become a donkey!
And a woman spends not to let the man become a donkey!

So, We have:
Man + Woman = Donkey + earn money + Donkey + Spend money

Therefore from postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude

Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!

समय-समय का फेर विजय कौशल

समय-समय का फेर 

विजय कौशल 

*

 ४०  वर्ष की उमे में कुछ मित्र मिले, रात्रि भोज के लिये ओशन व्यू रेस्टारेंट मे में जाने का निर्णय हुआ चूँकि वहाँ की युवा बार बालाएँ छोटे कपडे पहनती थीं. 

४०  वर्ष की उम्र में कुछ मित्र मिले, रात्रि भोज के लिये ओशन व्यू रेस्टारेंट मे में जाने का निर्णय हुआ चूँकि वहाँ की युवा बार बालाएँ छोटे कपडे पहनती थीं.  


१० साल बाद ५०  वर्ष की उम्र में वे मित्र फिर मिले, रात्रि भोज के लिये ओशन व्यू रेस्टारेंट मे में जाने का निर्णय हुआ चूँकि वहाँ का भोजन स्वादिष्ट था तथा सुरा-पान की बढ़िया व्यवस्था थी. 

१० साल बाद ६०  वर्ष की उम्र में वे मित्र फिर मिले, रात्रि भोज के लिये ओशन व्यू रेस्टारेंट मे में जाने का निर्णय हुआ चूँकि वहाँ शांति तथा समुद्र के सुंदर दृश्य थे.

१० साल बाद ७०  वर्ष की उम्र में वे मित्र एक बार फिर मिले, रात्रि भोज के लिये ओशन व्यू रेस्टारेंट मे में जाने का निर्णय हुआ चूँकि वहाँ ऊपर चढ़ाने के लिये स्वचालित एलीवेटर तथा व्हील चिर उपलब्ध थी. 

१० साल बाद ८०  वर्ष की उम्र में वे मित्र फिर मिले, रात्रि भोज के लिये ओशन व्यू रेस्टारेंट मे में जाने का निर्णय हुआ चूँकि वे वहाँ इसके पहले कभी नहीं गये थे.  
 

Batch mates get together

Friends aged 40 years discussed where they should meet for dinner. 

Finally it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waitresses there had low cut blouses and were very young.

10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was better than most places and the wine selection was extensive.

10 years later, at 60 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they could eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was wheelchair-accessible and they even had an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before!

sattire: THREE PARROTS -- vijay kushal.

sattire:


THREE    PARROTS                                    


-- vijay kushal.

A man wanted to buy his son a parrot as a birthday present.
The next day he went to the pet shop and saw
three identical parrots in a cage.

He asked the clerk, "how much for the parrot on the right?

 The owner said it was Rs. 2500.
"Rs. 2500.", the man said. "Well what does he do?
"He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000,
responds the clerk.
"He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters."

 The man then asked what the second parrot cost.
The clerk replied, Rs. 5000, but he not only knows Office 2000,
but is an expert computer programmer.

 Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot.
The clerk replied, "Rs. 10,000."
Curious as to how a bird can cost Rs. 10,000, the man asked what this
bird's specialty was.
The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything.

But the other two call him *"BOSS"!! *

*********** 

SOMETHING VERY FUNNY: VIJAY KAUSHAL.

SOMETHING VERY FUNNY:   VIJAY KAUSHAL. Now this is very interesting, especially the very last statements.          Railroad tracks. The  US  standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number.   Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates designed the  US  railroads.   Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.   Why did 'they' use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they had used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.     Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in  England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.     So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial  Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (including  England ) for their legions. Those roads have been used ever since.   And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels.     Since the chariots were made for Imperial  Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. Bureaucracies live forever.   So the next time you are handed a specification/procedure/process and wonder 'What horse's ass came up with this?' , you may be exactly right. Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses. (Two horses' asses.)      Now, the twist to the story:   When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in  Utah      The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.     So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass. And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important? Ancient horse's asses control almost everything... and the current  Horses Asses in Washington are controlling everything else                                              ******************************

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                                                         ***********************

LALOO'S LEELA !!! ---vijay kaushal

 LALOO'S  LEELA !!!

1) Laloo enters a shop and shouts,   
Where's my free gift with this oil?
Shopkeeper: “Iske Saath koi Gift nahin hai, Lalooji
Laloo : Ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE

2) Saddam Hussain visits God and asks him:
God, When shall
I see The defeat of Bush? “
God replies:” Son, you will not see it in your lifetime.”
Hearing this, Saddam Hussain starts crying and goes away. Gen Parvez
Musharaff visits God and asks him:
” God, when shall I see the Capture of Kashmir by Pakistan . “
God replies:” Son, you will not see it in lifetime”.
Hearing this, Gen Parvez Musharaff starts crying and goes away.
Laloo Yadav visits God and asks him:
” God when shall I see Bihar Becoming a prosperous and happy state ?
” Hearing this, God starts crying. Laaloo is astounded and asks:”
God, why are you crying?
” God replies: Son, I will not see it in my lifetime.”
3) Once Laloo was coming out of the Airport. As there was a Huge
rush, the security guard told Laloo WAIT PLEASE, for which Laloo
replied 85 Kgs and moved on

4) Laloo's family planning policy : DON'T HAVE MORE THAN TWO
CHILDREN IN ONE YEAR

5) At a bar in New York , the man to Laloo's left tells the
bartender, JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE. And the man's companion
says, JACK DANIELS, SINGLE. The bartender approaches Laloo and
asks, AND U sir? Laloo replies: LALOO YADAV, MARRIED.

6) After having resigned as the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to go
modelling. He steps into a herd of buffaloes and rests his
elbows on a buffalo and poses for the photo.

Next day
the photo appears on the front page of a newspaper.

Guess the caption !!

Laloo, third from left!

7) A reporter asked Laloo

What is the main reason for divorce?

Laloo replies “Marriage.

8) After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for Quite
sometime, Laloo proudly shows off the finished puzzle to A
friend. It Took me only 5 months to do it, Laloo brags. Five
months? That's too long. the friend exclaims. You are a fool,

Laloo replies.

Read the box, it says 5-7 years.

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars.
Only one person could go, and he will not return to Earth. 
The first applicant, an American engineer, was asked  how much he wanted to be paid for going.

"A million dollars", he answered, "because I wish to donate it to M.I.T."

The next applicant, a Russian doctor, was asked the same question.

He asked for two million dollars. "I wish to give a million to my family,he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."

The last applicant was a Indian politician (Lallu Yadav). When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer' s ear, "Three million dollars."

"Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked.

The Indian Politician replied, $1 million is for you, I'll keep $1 million,
and we'll give the American engineer $1million and send him to Mars !

Open heart vessel ---Vijay kaushal

Subject: Blocked Blood Vessel... Very Informative

-- VIJAY KAUSHAL

Natural therapy for heart vessel opening,

Please pass it to your colleagues or friends.

For Heart Vessels opening  
1) Lemon juice         01 cup
2) Ginger juice        01 cup
3) Garlic  juice       01 cup
4) Apple vinegar       01 cup

Mix all above and boil in light flame approximately half hour,
when it becomes 3 cups, take it out and keep it for cooling.

After cooling, mix 3 cups of natural honey and keep it in glass bottle.

Every morning before breakfast use one Table spoon regularly.

Your blockage of Vessels will open (No need any Angiography or By pass)

One liners in aviation - vijay kaushal

The difference between a duck and a co-pilot?

The duck can fly.  

A check sortie in an aircraft ought to be like a skirt.

Short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover everything. 

Speed is life.  Altitude is life insurance.

It only takes two things to fly:

Airspeed, and money.

The three most dangerous things in aviation:

1. A Doctor or Dentist in a Cessna.

2. Two captains in a B-737

Aircraft Identification:

If it's ugly, it's British.

If it's weird, it's French.

If it's ugly and weird, it's Russian.

Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another very expensive flying club.

The similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?

If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies.

If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.

New FAA & DGCA motto:

'We're not happy, till you're not happy.'

If something hasn't broken on your helicopter -- it's about to.

I give that landing a 9

.......on the Richter scale.

Basic Flying Rules:

1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.

2. Do not go near the edges of it.

3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly in the edges.

Unknown landing signal officer (LSO) to carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing attempt:

"You've got to land here son. This is where the food is."

The three best things in life are:

A good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement.

A night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities to experience all three at the same time. 

***************

रोचक प्रसंग: कहने को है बहुत कुछ वृद्ध जनों के पास. ---विजय कौशल

कहने को है बहुत कुछ वृद्ध जनों के पास:             विजय कौशल, हिन्दी: 'सलिल' 
 Oldies Have Something Interesting to share:

 

रोचक प्रसंग:

एक लघु कविता A Little Poem   एक और साल गया बीत  जीवन-घट और गया रीत ठंड-गरम पहले था कम अब अधिक है ठण्ड या गरम..   Another year has passed   And we're all a little older.   Last summer felt much hotter   And winter seems much colder.    अभी कुछ ही दिन हुए हैं यार. जीवन में हर तरफ था प्यार. अब मुझको समझ आ रहा- आता क्यों विगत पर दुलार. There was a time not long ago   When life was quite a blast.   Now I fully understand   About 'Living in the Past'   शादियों में बस्ती थी जान. खेल-कूद, दावतों में प्राण. अब अंतिम यात्रा में साथ- शोक-सभा में झुकाए माथ.   We used to go to weddings,   Football games and lunches.   Now we go to funeral homes,   And after-funeral brunches.    हम पार्टी में भी हैं उदास. खुश हैं एक-दूजे के खास. पोर-पोर में समाई पीर- रातों में कैसे हो धीर.  We used to have hangovers,   From parties that were gay.   Now we suffer body aches   And wile the night away.       बाहर दावत का हो चाव. तृप्ति का हमेशा अभाव. बार-बार शंका की भीत- गोली खा शयन बना रीत.   We used to go out dining,   And couldn't get our fill.   Now we ask for doggie bags,   Come home and take a pill.   निकट-दूर जगहों की सैर. मिल न सके कहीं हमें खैर. वाहन में जब हुए सवार- गद्दी चुभे जैसे हों खार. We used to often travel   To places near and far.   Now we get sore asses   From riding in the car.                                                                   हम जाते थे क्लब हर रात     बिन पिए न बनती थी बात.  अब घर में करते आराम.        सुन ख़बरें बीत रहीं शाम.       We used to go to nightclubs   And drink a little booze.   Now we stay home at night   And watch the evening news.     बेढब है जीवन का हाल.     कह-सुन हो रहे हैं निहाल.      इसलिए हर पल लो आनंद.   जब तक कर दे न उम्र मंद. That, my friend is how life is,   And now my tale is told.   So, enjoy each day and live it up...   Before you're too damned old!   ******************

उपयोगी सूचना : रेल गाड़ी आरक्षण - 97733-00000 --vijay kaushal

 उपयोगी सूचना : रेल  गाड़ी आरक्षण  -  97733-00000

 भारतीय रेल विभाग ने गूगल के सहयोग से आरक्षण संबंधी जानकारी हेतु दस अंकों का एक क्रमांक तय किया है जिसे एस. एम. एस. करते ही आपको अपने टिकिट की नवीनतम स्थिति  आरक्षण मिला या नहीं तथा अन्य सूचनाएँ प्राप्त हो जायेंगी.. इस अंक के पहले अन्य कोई अंक ० या ९१ न जोड़ें. 

Indian Railway in collaboration with Google is now providing a १० digit mobile number. Just SMS your PNR number on this mobile number and instantaneously you will get your ticket's current status along with all other journey related details.
The number is 97733-00000. NO need to prefix 0 or +91.
Best of all, you don't pay a premium charge for any of this, just the price of a standard SMS.
PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO STORE THE NUMBER IN YOUR MOBILE PHONE.

WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ! ---VIJAY KAUSHAL

 WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ!   

VIJAY  KAUSHAL 

(Passing requires only 3 correct answers out of 10!)
  1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last ?
2) Which country makes Panama hats ?
3) From which animal do we get cat gut ?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution ?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of ?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal ?
7) What was King George VI's first name ?
8) What color is a purple finch ?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from ?
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane ?
Remember, you need only 3 correct answers to pass.
Check your answers below.   ANSWERS
 
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last ?
116 years
2) Which country makes Panama hats ?
Ecuador
3) From which animal do we get cat gut ?
Sheep and Horses
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution ?
November
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of ?
Squirrel fur
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal ?
Dogs
7) What was King George VI's first name ?
Albert
8) What color is a purple finch ?
Crimson
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from ?
New Zealand
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane ?
Orange (of course!)  
What do you mean, you failed?!!

Me, too...!!! (And if you try to tell me you passed, you lie!)

  Pass this on to some "brilliant" friends, so that they may feel useless too!   

*****